Bob Smith and Bill Davis, a couple of boys in the full costume of the "order" chummy, were charged with the high crime and misdemeanor of having attempted to violate that portion of the British Constitution, contained in the act relating to the removal of rubbish, by carrying off a portion of the contents of Lord Derby's dusthole, the property of the dust contractor.
"Please your lordship's grace," said the dust contractor's deputy, "master and me has lately lost a hunaccountable lot o' dust off our beat, and as ve nat'rally know'd 'at it couldn't have vanished if no body had a prigged it, vy consekventlye I keeps a look out for them 'ere unlegal covies vot goes out a dusting on the cross. Vhile I vos out in Growener-skvare, I saw'd both these here two young criminals slip down his lordship's airy and begin a shoveling his lordship's stuff into von of their sackses. I drops on 'em in the werry hidentikle hact, and collers both on 'em vith master's property."
Mr. Conant: You hear the charge, my lads—what have you to say in defence?
Smith: Ve vorks for the house, my lud.
Mr. Conant: Is it your business to take away the dust?
Smith: No, my lud—ve're the rig'lar chimbly sveeps vot sveeps his ludship's chimblys. Both on us call'd on his ludship to arsk if his ludship's chimblys vonted sveeping—and ve larnt that they didn't; so, my lud, as ve happened to see a lady sifting cinders in his ludship's airy, ve arks'd her if she could be so werry hobliging as to let us have a shovelful. She granted our demand vith the greatest perliteness, and jest as ve vos about to cut our sticks, that there chap comes up and lugs us avay to this here hoffice.
Mr. Conant: The case is proved, and the act says you must be fined 10l. Have you got 10l. a-piece?
Smith: (grinning from ear to ear)—Me got ten pounds! I should like to see a cove vot ever had sitch a precious sum all at vonce. All as ever I got is threeha'pence-farden, and a bag of marbles; (to the other)—you got any capital, Bill?
Bill: Ain't got nuffin—spent my last brown on Vensday for a baked tater.
Mr. Conant looked over the act with a view of ascertaining if power had been granted to mitigate; but the legislature had so carefully provided for the enormity of the offence, that nothing less than the full penalty would, according to the act, satisfy the justice of the case.
The fine of 10l. each was imposed, or ten days' imprisonment.
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